2.Love and logic(Part Ⅱ)（1809）

Passage Two

        Love and logic

Part Ⅱ

Max Shulman

【1】I had my first date with Polly the following evening. This was in the nature of a survey; I wanted to find out just how much work I had to do to get her mind up to the standard I required. I took her first to dinner. "Gee, that was a delish dinner," she said as we left the restaurant. Then I took her to a movie.

【2】"Gee, that was a marvy movie," she said as we left the theater. And then I took her home. "Gee, I had a sensaysh time," she said as she bade me goodnight.
I went back to my room with a heavy heart. I had gravely underestimated the size of my task. This girl's lack of information was terrifying. Nor would it be enough merely to supply her with information. First she had to be taught to think. This loomed as a project of no small dimensions, and at first I was tempted to give her back to Petey.

【3】But then I got to thinking about her abundant physical charms and about the way she entered a room and the way she handled a knife and fork, and I decided to make an effort.
I went about it, as in all things, systematically. I gave her a course in logic. It happened that I, as a law student, was taking a course in logic myself, so I had all the facts at my fingertips. "Polly," I said to her when I picked her up on our next date, "tonight we are going over to the Knoll and talk."

【4】"Oo, terrif," she replied. One thing I will say for this girl: You would go far to find another so agreeable.
We went to the Knoll, the campus trysting place, and we sat down under an oak, and she looked at me expectantly: "What are we going to talk about?" she asked.
"Logic."

【5】She thought this over for a minute and decided she liked it. "Magnif," she said.
"Logic," I said, clearing my throat, "is the science of thinking. Before we can think correctly, we must first learn to recognize the common fallacies of logic. These we will take up tonight."
"Wow-dow!" she cried, clapping her hands delightedly.
I winced, but went bravely on. "First let us examine the fallacy called Dicto Simpliciter."
"By all means," she urged, batting her eyelashes eagerly.

【6】"Dicto Simpliciter means an argument based on an unqualified generalization. For example: Exercise is good. Therefore everybody should exercise."
"I agree," said Polly earnestly. "I mean exercise is wonderful. I mean it builds the body and everything."
"Polly," I said gently, "the argument is a fallacy. Exercise is good is an unqualified generalization. For instance, if you have heart disease, exercise is bad, not good. Many people are ordered by their doctors not to exercise. You must qualify the generalization. You must say exercise is usually good, or exercise is good for most people. Otherwise you have committed a Dicto Simpliciter. Do you see?"
"No," she confessed. "But this is marvy. Do more! Do more!"

【7】"It will be better if you stop tugging at my sleeve," I told her, and when she desisted, I continued. "Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty Generalization. Listen carefully: You can't speak French. I can't speak French. Petey Bellows can't speak French. I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota can speak French."
"Really?" said Polly, amazed. "Nobody?"
I hid my exasperation. "Polly, it's a fallacy. The generalization is reached too hastily. There are too few instances to support such a conclusion."
"Know any more fallacies?" she asked breathlessly. "This is more fun than dancing even."

【8】I fought off a wave of despair. I was getting nowhere with this girl, absolutely nowhere. Still, I am nothing if not persistent. I continued. "Next comes Post Hoc. Listen to this: Let's not take Bill on our picnic. Everytime we take him out with us, it rains."
"I know somebody just like that," she exclaimed. "A girl back home--Eula Becker, her name is. It never fails. Every single time we take her on a picnic--"
"Polly," I said sharply, "it's a fallacy. Eula Becker doesn't cause the rain. She has no connection with the rain. You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Eula Becker."
"I'll never do it again," she promised contritely. "Are you mad at me?"

【9】I sighed. "No, Polly, I'm not mad."
"Then tell me some more fallacies."
"All right. Let's try Contradictory Premises."
"Yes, let's," she chirped, blinking her eyes happily.
I frowned, but plunged ahead. "Here's an example of Contradictory Premises: If God can do anything, can He make a stone so heavy that He won't be able to lift it?"
"Of course," she replied promptly.
"But if He can do anything, He can lift the stone," I pointed out.
"Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "Well, then I guess He can't make the stone."
"But He can do anything," I reminded her.

【10】She scratched her pretty, empty head. "I'm all confused," she admitted.
"Of course you are. Because when the premises of an argument contradict each other, there can be no argument. If there is an irresistible force, there can be no immovable object. If there is an immovable object, there can be no irresistible force. Get it?"
"Tell me some more of this keen stuff," she said eagerly.

【11】I consulted my watch. "I think we'd better call it a night. I'll take you home now, and you go over all the things you've learned. We'll have another session tomorrow night."

【12】I deposited her at the girl's dormitory, where she assured me that she had had a perfectly terrif evening, and I went glumly home to my room. Petey lay snoring in his bed, the raccoon coat huddled like a great hairy beast at his feet. For a moment I considered waking him and telling him that he could have his girl back. It seemed clear that my project was doomed to failure. The girl simply had a logic-proof head.

【13】But then I reconsidered. I had wasted one evening; I might as well waste another. Who knew? Maybe somewhere in the extinct crater of her mind a few embers still smoldered. Maybe somehow I could fan them into flame. Admittedly it was not a prospect fraught with hope, but I decided to give it one more try.

【14】Seated under the oak the next evening I said, "Our first fallacy tonight is called Ad Misericordiam."

She quivered with delight.

"Listen closely," I said.   "A man applies for a job.   When the boss asks him what his qualifications are, he replies that he has a wife and six children at home, the wife is a helpless cripple, the children have nothing to eat, no clothes to wear, no shoes on their feet, there are no beds in the house, no coal in the cellar, and winter is coming."

【15】A tear rolled down each of Polly's pink cheeks.   "Oh, this is awful," she sobbed.

"Yes, it's awful," I agreed, "but it's no argument.   The man never answered the boss's question about his qualifications.   Instead he appealed to the boss's sympathy.   He committed the fallacy of Ad Misericordiam.   Do you understand?"

"Have you got a handkerchief?" she blubbered.

【16】I handed her a handkerchief and tried to keep from screaming while she wiped her eyes.   "Next," I said in a carefully controlled tone, "we will discuss False Analogy.   Here is an example: Students should be allowed to look at their textbooks during examinations.   After all, surgeons have X rays to guide them during an operation, lawyers have briefs to guide them during a trial, carpenters have blueprints to guide them when they are building a house.   Why, then, shouldn't students be allowed to look at their textbooks during an examination?"

【17】"There now," she said enthusiastically, "is the most marvy idea I've heard in years."

"Polly," I said testily, "the argument is all wrong.   Doctors, lawyers, and carpenters aren't taking a test to see how much they have learned, but students are.   The situations are altogether different, and you can't make an analogy between them."

"I still think it's a good idea," said Polly.

"Nuts," I muttered.   Doggedly I pressed on.   "Next we'll try Hypothesis Contrary to Fact."

"Sounds yummy," was Polly's reaction.

"Listen: If Madame Curie had not happened to leave a photographic plate in a drawer with a chunk of pitchblende, the world today would not know about radium."

"True, true," said Polly, nodding her head.   "Did you see the movie?   Oh, it just knocked me out.   That Walter Pidgeon is so dreamy.   I mean he fractures me."

【18】"If you can forget Mr. Pidgeon for a moment," I said coldly, "I would like to point out that the statement is a fallacy.   Maybe Madame Curie would have discovered radium at some later date.   Maybe somebody else would have discovered it.   Maybe any number of things would have happened.   You can't start with a hypothesis that is not true and then draw any supportable conclusions from it."

【19】"They ought to put Walter Pidgeon in more pictures," said Polly.   "I hardly ever see him anymore."

One more chance, I decided.   But just one more.   There is a limit to what flesh and blood can bear.   "The next fallacy is called Poisoning the Well."

"How cute!" she gurgled.

"Two men are having a debate.   The first one gets up and says, 'My opponent is a notorious liar.   You can't believe a word that he is going to say'...   Now, Polly, think.   Think hard.   What's wrong?"

【20】I watched her closely as she knit her creamy brow in concentration.   Suddenly a glimmer of intelligence--the first I had seen--came into her eyes.   "It's not fair," she said with indignation.   "It's not a bit fair.   What chance has the second man got if the first man calls him a liar before he even begins talking?"

【21】"Right!"   I cried exultantly.   "One hundred percent right.   It's not fair.   The first man has poisoned the well before anybody could drink from it.   He has hamstrung his opponent before he could even start...   Polly, I'm proud of you."

"Pshaw," she murmured, blushing with pleasure.

【22】"You see, my dear, these things aren't so hard.   All you have to do is concentrate.   Think--examine--evaluate.   Come now, let's review everything we have learned."

"Fire away," she said with an airy wave of her hand.

   爱情与逻辑

第二部分

马克斯·舒尔曼

【1】第二天晚上我和波莉有了第一次约会。这更像是一次考察；我想知道我需要做多少工作才能让她的思维达到我所要求的标准。我先带她去吃晚餐。“哇，那真是顿美味的晚餐，”

我们离开餐厅时她说。然后我带她去看了电影。

【2】我们离开电影院时，她说，“哇，那真是部精彩的电影”。然后我送她回家。“哇，我今晚过得很棒，”她在向我道晚安时说。

我带着沉重的心情回到我的房间。我严重低估了我的任务的难度。这个女孩信息的缺乏是可怕的。仅仅提供信息给她是不够的。首先，她需要被教会思考。这是一个不小的项目，起初我甚至想把她还给彼得。

【3】但后来我开始考虑她丰富的身体魅力，她进入房间的方式，她使用刀叉的方式，我决定做出努力。

我像对待所有事情一样，有系统地进行。我给她开了一门逻辑课程。碰巧的是，作为一个法律学生的我自己也正在学习逻辑课程，所以我对所有相关的事实了如指掌。我在我们下次约会时接她时对她说，“波莉，今晚我们要去小山丘上谈谈。”

【4】“哦，太棒了，”她回答。我要说这个女孩有一点：你很难找到别的这么讨人喜欢的人。

我们去了小山丘，那是校园内的约会地点，我们坐在一棵橡树下，她期待地看着我：“我们要谈什么？”她问。

“逻辑。”

【5】她考虑了一分钟，决定她喜欢它。“太棒了，”她说。

“逻辑，”我说，清了清嗓子，“是思考的科学。在我们能正确思考之前，我们必须首先学会识别逻辑中的常见谬误。我们今晚就来讨论这些。”

“哇哦！”她高兴地拍起手来。

我有些皱眉，但勇敢地继续说：“首先，让我们来看一下被称为‘简单说法’的谬误。”

“当然可以，”她急切地眨着眼睫毛催促道。

【6】“简单说法意味着基于一个无条件的概括的论点。例如：锻炼是好的。因此，每个人都应该锻炼。”

“我同意，”波莉认真地说。“我是说锻炼很棒。我是说它能锻造身体和其他一切。”

“波莉，”我温和地说，“这个论点是个谬误。‘锻炼是好的’是一个无条件的概括。例如，如果你有心脏病，锻炼是不好的，而不是好的。许多人被医生禁止锻炼。你必须对概括进行限定。你必须说锻炼通常是好的，或者对大多数人来说锻炼是好的。否则你就犯了简单说法的错误。你明白了吗？”

“没有，”她坦白道。“但这很神奇。再多说一些！再多说一些！”

【7】“如果你不再拉我的袖子，会更好，”我告诉她，当她停下来后，我继续说。“接下来我们来看一个叫做仓促概括的谬误。仔细听：你不会说法语。我不会说法语。彼得·贝洛斯也不会说法语。我因此必须得出结论，明尼苏达大学没有人会说法语。”

“真的吗？”波莉惊讶地说。“没有人？”

我隐藏了我的恼怒。“波莉，这是个谬误。这种概括得出得太仓促了。支持这种结论的例子太少了。”

“还知道其他谬误吗？”她上气不接下气地问。“这甚至比跳舞还有趣。”

【8】我抵御住一阵绝望。我对这个女孩一点进展也没有，绝对没有。不过，如果不坚持，我就一无是处。我继续说。“接下来是因果倒置。听这个：我们别带比尔去野餐了。每次我们带他出去，就会下雨。”

“我认识一个人也是这样，”她大叫。“一个家乡的女孩，尤拉·贝克尔，她的名字。从不例外。每次我们带她去野餐...”

“波莉，”我严厉地说，“这是个谬误。尤拉·贝克尔不会导致下雨。她与雨无关。如果你责怪尤拉·贝克尔，你就犯了因果倒置的错误。”

“我再也不这样做了，”她懊悔地承诺。“你生我的气了吗？”

【9】我叹了口气。“不，波莉，我没有生气。”

“那就再告诉我一些谬误。”

“好吧。让我们试试矛盾前提。”

“是的，让我们试试，”她高兴地眨着眼睛说。

我皱了皱眉，但还是继续说。“这里有一个矛盾前提的例子：如果上帝无所不能，他能创造一个连他自己也举不起的石头吗？”

“当然可以，”她迅速回答。

“但如果他无所不能，他就能举起那块石头，”我指出。

“是的，”她深思熟虑地说。“那么，我猜他不能创造那块石头。”

“但他无所不能，”我提醒她。

【10】她挠了挠她那漂亮而空洞的头。“我完全迷糊了，”她承认。

“当然了。因为当一个论点的前提相互矛盾时，就不能成立论点。如果有不可抗拒的力量，就不可能有不可移动的物体。如果有不可移动的物体，就不可能有不可抗拒的力量。明白了吗？”

“告诉我更多这些精彩的东西，”她急切地说。

【11】我看了看手表。“我觉得我们最好今晚就此打住。我现在送你回家，你回去复习一下你学到的所有东西。我们明晚再继续。”

【12】我送她到女生宿舍，她向我保证她度过了一个非常棒的晚上，然后我闷闷不乐地回到我的房间。彼得躺在床上打鼾，浣熊皮大衣像一只大毛兽似的堆在他脚边。

我一度考虑叫醒他，告诉他他可以把他的女孩要回去。显然，我的计划注定要失败。这个女孩简直是防逻辑的。

【13】但后来我又重新考虑了。我已经浪费了一个晚上；不妨再浪费一个。谁知道呢？也许在她那已经熄灭的思维火山口里，还有几星火种仍在闷烧。也许我能以某种方式将它们吹成火焰。诚然，这并不是一个充满希望的前景，但我决定再试一次。

【14】第二天晚上坐在橡树下，我说，“我们今晚的第一个谬误叫做‘诉诸怜悯’。”

她高兴得发抖。

“仔细听，”我说。“一个人申请工作。当老板问他有什么资格时，他回答说他家里有妻子和六个孩子，妻子是个无助的残疾人，孩子们没有东西吃，没有衣服穿，没有鞋子穿，家里没有床，地窖里没有煤，冬天就要来了。”

【15】波莉粉红的脸颊上滚下一滴泪。“哦，这太可怕了，”她啜泣道。

“是的，这很可怕，”我同意道，“但这不是理由。这个人从未回答老板关于他资格的问题。相反，他诉诸于老板的同情。他犯了‘诉诸怜悯’的谬误。你明白吗？”

“你有手帕吗？”她哭诉道。

【16】我递给她一条手帕，尽量控制自己不去尖叫，她一边擦眼泪。接下来我用一种小心控制的语调说，“我们将讨论‘错误类比’。这里有一个例子：学生应该被允许在考试期间查看他们的教科书。毕竟，外科医生在手术时有X光指导他们，律师在审判期间有案件摘要指导他们，木匠在建造房屋时有蓝图指导他们。那么，为什么学生在考试期间不应该被允许查看他们的教科书呢？”

【17】“现在，”她热情地说，“这是我多年来听到的最棒的主意。”

“波莉，”我不耐烦地说，“这个论点完全错误。医生、律师和木匠并不是在进行测试来看他们学到了多少，但学生是。情况完全不同，你不能在它们之间进行类比。”

“我还是觉得这是个好主意，”波莉说。

“胡说，”我嘟囔着。我顽固地继续说：“接下来我们将尝试‘与事实相反的假设’。”

“听起来很有趣，”波莉的反应。

“听着：如果居里夫人没有偶然在抽屉里留下一块沥青铀矿旁的照相底片，今天的世界就不会知道镭。”

“真的，真的，”波莉点头说。“你看过那部电影吗？哦，它真的震撼了我。那个沃尔特·皮金太有魅力了。我是说他让我着迷。”

【18】“如果你能暂时忘记皮金先生，”我冷冷地说，“我想指出这个说法是错误的。也许居里夫人会在以后的某个时候发现镭。也许别人会发现它。可能会发生任何事情。你不能从一个不真实的假设开始，然后得出任何可支持的结论。”

【19】“他们应该让沃尔特·皮金出现在更多电影中，”波莉说。“我几乎再也看不到他了。”

我决定再给她一个机会。但只有一个。肉体和血液能承受的有限度。“下一个谬误叫做‘污染井水’。”

“多可爱啊！”她咯咯地笑。

“两个人在辩论。第一个人站起来说，‘我的对手是个臭名昭著的骗子。你不能相信他说的任何话’……现在，波莉，想想。仔细想想。哪里不对？”

【20】我仔细观察她，她正专心地皱着她那细腻的眉头。突然，一丝智慧的光芒，我第一次看到，闪现在她的眼中。“这不公平，”她愤怒地说。“一点也不公平。如果第一个人在第二个人开始说话之前就称他为骗子，第二个人还有什么机会？”

【21】“对！”我欢呼道。“百分之百正确。这不公平。第一个人在任何人喝之前就已经毒害了井水。他在对手开始前就已经使其无法行动……波莉，我为你感到骄傲。”

“哼，”她低声说，脸红得很开心。

【22】“你看，亲爱的，这些东西并不难。你只需要集中注意力。思考，审视，评估。来吧，让我们复习一下我们学到的一切。”

“开始吧，”她挥了挥手说。