9.那个星期天（2034）

9. 那个星期天

1．我还记得我的第一次盼望。

2．那是一个星期天，从早晨到下午，一直到天色昏暗下去。

3．那个星期天母亲答应带我出去，去哪儿已经记不清了，可能是动物园，也可能是别的什么地方。

4．总之她很久之前就答应了，就在那个星期天带我出去玩，这不会错；一个人平生第一次盼一个日子，都不会错。

5．而且就在那天早晨，母亲也还是这样答应的：去，当然去。

6．我想到底是让我盼来了。

7． 起床，刷牙，吃饭，那是个春天的早晨，阳光明媚。

8．走吗？

9．等一会儿，等一会儿再走。

10．我跑出去，站在街门口，等一会儿就等一会儿。

11．我藏在大门后，藏了很久。

12．我知道不会是那么简单的等一会儿，我得不出声地躲藏一会儿。

13．母亲出来了，可我忘了吓唬她，她手里怎么提着菜篮？

14．您说了去！

15．等等，买完菜，买完菜就去。

16．买完菜马上就去吗？

17．嗯。

18． 这段时光不好挨。

19．我踏着一块块方砖跳，跳房子，等母亲回来。

20．我看着天看着云彩走，等母亲回来，焦急又兴奋。

21．我蹲在源自的地上，用树枝拨弄着一个蚁穴，爬着去找更多的蚁穴。

22．院子里就我一个孩子，没人跟我玩。

23．我坐在草从里翻看一本画报，那是基本看了多少回的电影画报。

24．那上面有一群比我大的女孩子，一个个都非常漂亮。

25．我坐在草从里看她们，想象他们的家，想象她们此刻在干什么，想象她们的兄弟姐妹和她们的父母，想象她们的声音。

26．去年的荒草丛里又有了绿色，院子很大，空空落落。

27．母亲买菜回来却又翻箱倒柜忙开了。

28．走吧，您不是说吗挖回来就走吗？

29．好啦好啦，没看我正忙呢吗？

30．真奇怪，该是我有理的事啊？

31．不是吗，我不是一直在等着，母亲不是答应过了吗？

32．整个上午我就跟在母亲腿底下：去吗？

33．去吧，走吧，怎么还不走呀？

34．走吧……我就这样念念叨叨地追在母亲的腿底下，看她做完一件事又去做一件事。

35．我还没有她的腿高，那两条不停顿的腿至今走在我眼前晃动，它们不停下来，它们好几次绊在我身上，我好几次差点儿绞在它们中间把它们碰倒。

36．下午吧，母亲说，下午，睡醒午觉再去。

37．去，母亲说，下午，准去。

38．但这次怨我，怨我自己，我把午觉睡过头了。

39．醒来时我看见母亲在洗衣服。

40．要是那时就走还不晚。

41．我看看天，还不晚。

42．还去吗？

43．去。

44．走吧？

45．洗完衣服。

46．这一次不能原谅。

47．我不知道那堆衣服要洗多久，可母亲应该知道。

48．我蹲在她身边，看着她洗。

49．我一声不吭，盼着。我想我再不离开半步，再不把觉睡过头。

50．我想衣服一洗完我马上拉起她就走，决不许她再耽搁。

51．我看着盆里的衣服和盆外的衣服，我看着太阳，看着光线，我一声不吭，忽然有点儿明白了。

52． 我现在还能感觉到那光线漫长而急遽的变化，孤独而惆怅的黄昏到来，并且听得见母亲咔嚓咔嚓搓衣服的声音，那声音永无休止就像时光的脚步。

53．那个星期天。

54．就在那天。

55．母亲发现男孩儿蹲在那儿一动不动，发现他在哭，在不出声地流泪。

56．我感到母亲惊惶地甩了甩手上的水，把我拉过去拉进她的怀里。

57．我听见母亲在说，一边亲吻着我一边不停地说：“噢，对不起，噢，对不起……”那个星期天，本该是出去的，去哪儿不记得了。

58．男孩儿蹲在那个又大又重的洗衣盆旁，依偎在母亲怀里，闭上眼睛不再看太阳，光线正无可挽回地消逝，一派荒凉。

That Sunday

1. I still remember my first anticipation.

2. It was a Sunday, from morning till afternoon, until the day faded into dusk.

3. That Sunday, my mother promised to take me out, but I can't recall where exactly. Maybe it was the zoo or some other place.

4. All I know is she had promised long ago to take me out that Sunday; a person never forgets the first day they eagerly await.

5. And that morning, my mother confirmed: we would definitely go.

6. I thought I had finally gotten what I had been waiting for.

7. Getting up, brushing my teeth, eating breakfast—it was a spring morning with bright sunshine.

8. Are we going?

9. Wait a moment, just wait a moment more.

10. I ran out, stood at the gate, waiting.

11. I hid behind the door for a long time.

12. I knew waiting wouldn’t be that simple; I had to hide quietly for a while.

13. Mother came out, but I forgot to scare her. Why did she have a shopping basket in her hand?

14. You said we would go!

15. Wait, after I buy groceries, then we’ll go.

16. Will we go right after you buy the groceries?

17. Yes.

18. That time was hard to endure.

19. I stepped on tiles, played hopscotch, waiting for mother to return.

20. I watched the sky and clouds, waiting for mother to return, anxious and excited.

21. I squatted on the ground, poking at an ant hole with a twig, crawling to find more ant holes.

22. I was the only child in the yard, with no one to play with.

23. I sat in the grass, looking at a picture book I had read many times.

24. There were older girls in the picture book, each one very beautiful.

25. I sat in the grass looking at them, imagining their homes, what they were doing, their siblings and parents, and their voices.

26. The dry grass from last year had turned green again. The yard was big and empty.

27. Mother came back with groceries but started rummaging through cabinets.

28. Let’s go. Didn’t you say we’d go after you bought groceries?

29. Alright, alright, can’t you see I’m busy?

30. How strange, wasn’t I right?

31. Wasn’t I waiting? Didn’t mother promise?

32. All morning, I followed at her feet: are we going?

33. Let’s go, how come we haven’t gone yet?

34. Let’s go... I kept nagging at her feet, watching her finish one thing and start another.

35. I wasn’t even as tall as her legs, those legs that kept moving, still in front of me. They didn’t stop; they stumbled over me several times, and I almost tripped them.

36. Afternoon, she said. After we nap, we’ll go.

37. Yes, she said, afternoon, we will go.

38. But this time, it was my fault. I overslept during my nap.

39. When I woke, I saw mother washing clothes.

40. If we leave now, it’s not too late.

41. I looked at the sky; it’s not too late.

42. Are we still going?

43. Yes.

44. Shall we go?

45. After I finish washing clothes.

46. This time it was unforgivable.

47. I didn’t know how long it would take to wash that pile, but mother should have known.

48. I squatted beside her, watching her wash.

49. I said nothing, just waiting. I thought I wouldn’t leave her side again, wouldn’t oversleep.

50. I thought as soon as she finished washing, I’d pull her away, not allowing any more delay.

51. I watched the clothes in the basin and out, watched the sun and the light, said nothing, and suddenly started to understand.

52. I can still feel that light’s long and rapid change, the lonely and melancholy dusk approaching, and I could hear mother’s rhythmic scrubbing, like the footsteps of time.

53. That Sunday.

54. That very day.

55. Mother found the boy squatting there, unmoving, found him crying silently.

56. I felt her shake the water off her hands and pull me into her arms.

57. I heard her saying, while kissing me over and over, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...” That Sunday, we were supposed to go out, but I don’t remember where to.

58. The boy squatted beside the big, heavy washbasin, nestled in mother’s arms, closing his eyes not to see the sun. The light was irreversibly fading, leaving a desolate scene.